We all start with nothing , out of the womb i started with nothing at a young age i was passionate about watching dragonball z
in preschool i remember we had an event were they told u to choose what we would want to be when we grow up. i chose a coach at the time - that could have been a foreshadowing-
in elementary school i picked up the game of basketball and became somewhat passionate about it i was a fan of the proffesional sport and i was a fan of playing the sport. even though i wasnt reallly competitivley good until my sophmore year in high school. also i had somewhat of a thing for good music even though most of it was rap. i was introduced to rap first and rap is just produced at a much higher rate than anything else. so everyday there was a new semi decent song that was here today and gone tomorrow. as proof i cant even remeber the majority of them.
in high school i played basketball and i was passionate about that to a degree. gradually in the system i was in it became less and less fun to play basketball. we would practice nothing everyday and listen to our maniac coach just yell at the top of his lungs every frickin day just because he thought it was helping us. i new his intent and i just did my best to do what i could do to get more playing time. his tactics would lead to him aiding in many players withdrawal from the sport and his demotion to team manager i believe. i love him he was a great and funny guy when he wasnt forcing himself to be an asshole. i didnt end up making the varsity roster my junior year. so my organized basketball career was at a halt. now that i didnt play basketball (my passion) i didnt have much propense reason to come to school. i started playing video games till i passed out and just dragged through my classes until the school year was over. ended up gaining 30 lbs of weight going from 190 to a peak of 235 i believe. i kept myself delusional by only flexing in certain directions so i looked like i still had muscles. that summer i tried playing travel basketball again but i sustained an nagging injury that could not be diagnosed. so my organized basketball career was really at a halt. i didnt want to get super fatter so i started dieting with intermittent fasting and got down to 190 before the school year changed. i felt like i was the shit because i lost weight. and i did it without effort too. i tried to help my mom but she doesnt give a shit about shit . i could give her instruction but i couldnt give her the motivation or the self discipline to actually follow the diet. i even tried installing frequent cheat days to make it easier on her but no. i think she ended up getting fatter but bounced back. i could lead her to water but i couldnt make her drink. one of the things that im passionate about is helping people reach their potentials. its in there, and because of circumstance or just the oppurtunity of ignorance they dont know what they need to know to go where they gotta go. and if i can help it im gonna do what i can as long as it doesnt pump my brakes. ive been pondering this over the last few days. horse water theory. you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink. how do you teach a horse to want to drink? how do i teach myself to want to drink? i would like to think of myself as pretty ambitious but i am no where near an excellent mental standard, which is where i want to and need to be to reach the goal that i want to reach. im not a big music listener toer, but some music can just evoke euphoria at the tap of a button. some forms of media can just educe passion from you, thats why i really liked adventure time. its starts off stupid but once it gets into the story line it really makes you feel. one of the things i try to focus on is inner peace, meditation has helped with that alot recently. but maybe being so innerly stoic makes me emotionless. my emotions on a daily basis range from greatfuless to stoicism to self imposed anger for motivation. theres not alot of feeling going on there regulary, especially when im at work.
now that i sit back and examine my relationship with basketball, its more than just me being passionate about basketball. it is me being passionate about personal development. basketball is and was a medium for me at the time where i knew if i focused and worked organizedly, and could just find a blueprint i could get better. and once i got better i can help people get better by giving them a blue print to follow. just another medium is all.
when i took that away from myself and took myself away from the worthless personal devoping within the virtial video game world i began working on personaly development in the video game of life.
im not passionate about culture because culture is life. i was born into a certain culter but was not raised int he cultural followings. i really wasnt raised very much. when i began raising myself, i didnt really believe in such a thing as cultural segregation, i tend to go more with the idea that we are all human and there for we all share that same cultural identity. so my culture isnt the same as the most would consider the culture that i claim is the culture of all cultures in the reality of multiple reality united. and thats just how it is. i love my parents but my environment didnt promote my culture and i didnt very much to.. to extract that "culture" its not something im key word passionate about.
when i die i want my life to resound. i feel like a life lived just to live is a life not needed any fuqing body can do that. and everybody is doing it. society promotes it. why? cause its easy to do.
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